anatomy scan!

At exactly this moment  tomorrow  morning (9:10 am) we will be at the Dr.s see our little baby for the first time im so excited and yet im a bit nervous. what if something is wrong? what if im disappointed ? what if there isn't a baby in there at all? i know i know silly questions. nothings going to be wrong, your not gonna be disappointed, and YES Sarah there is a baby in there. but i still cant help it maybe its the fact that i will have visual proof and then i really cant pretend its not happening and that we really are going to have a baby. not that i don't love him or her im just starting to get a little nervous and scared i know there is no reason and that i know what im doing for the most part but there is a part of me going what the heck were you thinking! though i admit its only a small part but its nagging at me.i feel like im going to be a bad person if i feel a little disappointed if its not a girl not  because i think I'll love it less if its a boy but because ive always wanted a little girl. i know that if its a boy it doesn't mean im never going to get a girl. and if it is a boy and i am slightly disappointed i will never admit it!!!!!! never! i will love my baby no matter what and i say this because i have a feeling that there would be some one who would hold it against me or tell  me that im stupid for think like this. if that's you please don't comment (just saying ) i feel bad just think that i might feel this way i don't need anyone rubbing it in my face. im terrified something is going to be wrong with it not necessarily something we can see or detect until its born. like being deaf that has to be my top worry because my hearing loss is genetic i really don't want to pass that on it was difficult for me as a kid it still is but i make the best of it. i would just rather our baby didn't have to go through all the crap i did. i had a hard time fighting for my rights and getting what i needed to be successful in school and otherwise. idk if i could go through that from the other side. well at least i will have 2 questions answered tomorrow hope all goes well.