vent!

i know i try not to do this because i know that people find it annoying but im hurt and frustrated and i just need to get it out. i know that being pregnant im probably throwing things out of proportion and possible being a little immature  about the way i feel.
im hurt that not one of my friends have offered to throw me a baby shower. i know that i probably shouldn't be upset by this but i am it makes me feel like they really don't care about me or aren't excited for me at all i try to tell my self its not true but don't actions speak louder than words? i would jump at the chance to give any of these ladies a baby shower. i feel bad that i didn't have the finances to offer to throw one for my SIL and i will be doing on for my best friend Amanda. i just want to have a get together with my friends and celebrate this baby and catch up. i know that the family will throw me one but i really find it hard to ask them to add another 28 people on to the guest list when its already 40+ with just family. my sister in law said she would do it but she really doesn't have the money to and i feel really bad that she would be the one doing it i don't want to put her in a financial bind. im irritated i probably have no right to be. according to baby shower etiquette, the moms and or me are not suppose to be throwing the showers so if we were going off of that i wouldn't get one. im really not sure why it bugs me so bad i used to not care if my friends were there for me or not it makes no sense to me that it hurts now and its not just the shower thing i hardly talk to anyone now or i feel like when i do talk to a friend they're not really listening and that just makes me feel like im burdening them by making them talk to me. i get that our lives are changing and we are all doing different things college, getting married, even have kids of our own. so i know that some of them cant really understand what im going through and i don't expect them to. i just need support a text here or there a phone call, a visit. heck if you wanted to send me a letter I'd take it lol.
im not posting this for sympathy or to guilt trip anybody into throwing me a shower i just need to get this off my chest and writing it helps it not bother me as much i can write it and let go.i hope i don't hurt anyone's feelings by writing this. i needed to get my frustrations out so i don't implode from not being able to talk about it to anyone. i cant talk to my husband about it because he says its silly to depend on friends and want to hang out with them. and sometimes i agree maybe this is one of those times anyways i  cant talk to him about how im feeling so i vent to my blog about it because i don't want to hurt anyone by talking to them about it. i feel like if i vented to any one friend they would feel like i was pressuring them into it and that's not what i want. im really hurt right now more then likely unjustly so but none the less i am.